I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
