It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
