I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
