lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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