I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
