You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Alive.
So much puke
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
