3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
