Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I bet he comes in French.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
