he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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