haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
