Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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