Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize