i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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