It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
