my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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