soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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