The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
