It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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