i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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