I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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