The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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