She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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