I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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