peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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