dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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