he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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