Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
