I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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