her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
