This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
