I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
