Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.