She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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