idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"