Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
