R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
