Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
