And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
