There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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