I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize