I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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