Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
