Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
