Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
