Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize