Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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