i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
