i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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