i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
