i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
