Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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