I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
