God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He felt like a one man threesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
