Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
