Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
