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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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