you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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