$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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