He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
