ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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