There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
