I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
