Sponge bath it is.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
