Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
