apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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